April 19, 2007
You Are Here
I walk outside on a calm cool night that is just beginning. I gaze upward and see pinpricks of light I recognize as stars begin to form on a pale pink sky. The is at peace. Or so it seems. For, in this instance of staring upwards, I feel as though nothing matters. Even the things that do matter, are meaningless in this moment. I find myself wishing you were here. Not to talk, for words are not what I desire. I desire your presence. To make what is complete into perfection. And it seems, though you're not here, you are. I see the things that we would see. Think the thoughts that we would think.
And, in this moment, you are here. And I love it. I cradle you in my arms as we stare into the sky. In this moment, everything is right. Everything is perfect. A wave of gratitude sweeps over me as I think of the others that could be here, but aren't. You however, are. And that means much to me.
Posted by Addison at 08:24 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
February 24, 2007
I am this man
Years ago in a time past I would look at him. A wave of disgust and hate would sweep over me, and I would look away. And then look back. It seemed everyone hated him. As I did, they turned up their noses and scoffed, frowned and hated. He didn't even seem to notice how conceited and vain he was. His look, his act, they were scorned by all who knew him. His only "friends" were ones who had the same act. He hung out with popular kids, he had all the cute girls, but he is an empty, lonely shell. To him, the world is a dirt bag. One ignores the game. Slowly, surely, steadily, I found myself liking him. Like a parasite, he fed upon my bowels until, it seemed, I was him. Or he was me. What difference does it really make anymore? I woke up in the morning and stared into the mirror for a very long moment. After sleep left me, I stared deeper into my eyes. I stared at my face. I gazed upon my features. Then the similarity hit me. I was him. Deep inside a portion of me that hardly ever comes out. He had eaten me to what seemed was the very core of who I am. I vowed to do something to cleanse myself of this man I'd become. For, as it was, I hated myself. He had done this to me. No, I had done it. There was no turning back. I am this man whom I hate. I am this man.
Posted by Addison at 10:35 PM | Comments (12) | TrackBack (0)
February 20, 2007
moving
no matter how hard i try,
i always let down those i love.
can't ever seem to do it right,
that which is always perfect.
been trying for what seems like eons
to please, to perfect, to be,
better, stronger, faster.
perhaps once in this vast eternity,
in this unshifting time,
i'll get it right, i'll get it perfect.
so it seems, when the day comes,
no one will notice,
no one will care,
only i, only in my mind,
will take time to notice,
time to care.
with newfound knowledge,
what is to try,
why continue,
in this endless pursuit,
of what is really nothing,
in the end?
so i stop.
stop moving,
stop pushing,
stop trying,
and they hate that too.
Posted by Addison at 01:33 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
January 15, 2007
The Man, The Legend
Although I think not, perhaps it is only I who admire this genius in his field. Perhaps, although very unlikely I am the only one whose ears love to be carressed by the sweet sounds of soulful lyrics. This man is an American Icon. Every man in the world (well almost) wishes he were this man. This man, this great champion and boon to mankind is none other than... Are you ready? Weird Al. Check this out too...
Posted by Addison at 01:43 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
October 18, 2006
This Morning
Do you ever wake up in the morning with a feeling of not wanting to do anything at all? LIke you could just lay there all darn day? Then you get up... why? Then you do the things that you've been in a rut doing for X number of years. Like showering, shaving, etc. But all the while you feel like someone else is controlling you. You don't move because you want to, out of necessity, you move because inside you know you're supposed to. Then, after the basics are done, you eat. I wanted to do that. From there, you just walk around and wonder what to do, not doing anything because nothing strikes your fancy. I suppose that's an incredibly selfish state of mind to have.
Posted by Addison at 04:58 PM | TrackBack (0)
September 06, 2006
A Quote
"If one laughs at the irony of his own statement, does that make him insane? Cuz if it does, I am". - Me
Posted by Addison at 01:21 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
August 15, 2006
The Riddle
Band: Five For Fighting
Song: The Riddle
Album: Two Lights
There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him
Wait, what's the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me
He said,
"Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see... You will see."
Then he said,
"Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I..."
Picked up my kid from school today
Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can't live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me
He said,
"Dad I'm big but we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all
Still every mother's child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me"
And Hey Dad,
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...
I said,
"Son for all I've told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world...
Who am I?"
There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see
He said... You looking for a clue I Love You free...
The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me
Something comes over me
I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...
Posted by Addison at 09:27 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
June 05, 2006
Boot Camp Graduation Part 1
Recently, I had the opportunity to attend the Graduation of a good friend from boot camp. 'Twas quite the experience. This man I am convinced would have made it through boot camp with no problems. There was never a doubt in my mind. He's got the guts, the brains, and the willpower. This man is a great man.
Seeing all about what boot camp is eally about caused me to think. The obstacle courses I have no doubt. I would pass. The classes on comunication; no problem. The shooting the M16's, not an issue. The PT, an issue. The not being allowed to drink Mountain Dew, a HUGE issue. The taking a shower in an open shower room... yeah. You get the picture. Overall, I think I would make it, but I would have to sacrifice some things I don't think I'm quite willing to sacrifice.
Part 2 will cover the actual graduation ceremony. Hopefully with pictures.
Posted by Addison at 12:12 PM | Comments (2)
June 03, 2006
I Am Not A Superhero
I think I am, but I'm not. I want to be, but I'm not. Alternate realities are a blast. I walk around the house as Superman, or Batman, or The Flash, or Green Lantern, or... You get the picture. It's so cool! To be someone different. Someone with extra-human abilites. Oh well, I'm not, and never shall I be.... Until recently! I've been gifted with superhuman strength, I can blast thtough walls, I have laser eyes, x-ray vision! It's all amazing! I have been gifted as a result of some atomically-altered Mountain Dew! This is the source of my strength! My one weakness is other types of soda. The other day I almost died when I walked past a Dr. Pepper vending machine. It was horrible.
Ok. Sorry. I just had to...
Posted by Addison at 12:28 PM | Comments (3)
June 01, 2006
Superman
I can relate to this song so much... It's just me all over...
Superman (It's Not Easy)
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me
I’m more than a bird…I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see
It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed…but won’t you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me
Up, up and away…away from me
It’s all right…You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy…or anything…
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
It’s not easy to be me.
Posted by Addison at 12:26 PM | Comments (2)
May 24, 2006
Teens and their Brains Part 2
I didn't know a part 2 was coming. Nonetheless, here it is. I sort of have another point on it. If you missed it, or just don't remember, you may see it here. I wanted to make this point. What is the core quality behind both genius and idiocy? It is enthusiasm. I am a very enthusiastic person. Oftentimes, this is read as being "hyper". No. Being enthusiastic is something that should be savored while it is here. When you're my parents age, one has no enthusiasm; or very little at best. So; in closing, then, I'm not hyper. I'm enthusiastic. And, when channeled properly, that is a great thing.
Posted by Addison at 12:30 PM | Comments (5)
May 23, 2006
The Man I Once Was Part 2
For example, at work, I oftentimes find myself musing about the most curious things. I see elderly people walk the mall. In their day, it would have been most shocking to see some of the things that I see on a daily basis. Examples would include dyed hair, piercings, etc. But, there is no outcry from them, as a result of the social conditioning that they've had. They've seen it from the very beginning. So, the shrug it off. The same is true with sin. My appilcation with yesterday's post is this: with age comes a knowledge of things that, one doesn't want a knowledge of. I find this happening to me a lot lately. It stinks.
Posted by Addison at 12:52 PM | Comments (2)
May 22, 2006
The Man I Once Was Part 1
The man I once was, I am not. Why? The likely excuses come to mind. I have changed as a result of age. Unfortunately, not always is the change for the better. Age is a curse. The eternally youthful person is the envy of everyone. No, not the wrinkles, and the smarts. Those are benefits of age. The curse is in the fact that, there is something to be said for child-like innocence. It is lost with age. Simple things, once viewed as amusing are now a "bother". Complex things that could be put aside are now forcibly shoved in one's face. I find it to be a cumbersome load of (for lack of a better term), trash. It gets heavier and heavier. It's usually a matter of knowledge. As a child, one is not aware of the harsh, brutal, and cruel reality of life. However, with age, the horrible truths become apparent. This is very much undesired. One becomes a monster with age.
Posted by Addison at 12:43 PM | Comments (7)
May 16, 2006
Who will go to America?
Who will go to America? I’ve been listening to that song now for about ten minutes straight. It’s awesome. Cuts straight to the heart of the problem that we have in America. The heathen can’t be expected to evangelize, so it’s up to the Christians. Christians have a great burden for foreign missions. That’s great, but who will go to America? America is not generally considered a mission field. Why not? Sinners are dying in America just as fast as anywhere else. More and more people get born every day in America and every single one of them needs to hear the gospel. America is dying. Gone are the days that our founding fathers died for. Our nation is being eaten alive by false doctrine and crooked worldviews. Like an apple shiny and beautiful on the outside, but rotting and dead on the inside. It is similar to the story of the frog being cooked alive. If you would have said to the founding fathers, “how about an amendment to the Constitution to allow homosexual marriage?” they would have thought you an insane heretic. Same principle with the frog. If you were to throw a live frog in a pot of boiling water, the frog would quickly jump out. However, put the frog in a pot of room temperature water and slowly heat it up to boiling, the frog would be cooked alive. That’s exactly what is happening to America. Slowly, over years of instituting evil bit by bit we are what we are today. Divorce was virtually unheard of in early America. Now over half of every marriage ends in divorce. That’s not even counting the people that don’t get married and have kids anyway. I don’t know for sure but isn’t it so that over half of all children born in America are born not knowing both parents in a typical mother/father family institution? America needs people to stand up and be wholly sold out to God. That’s all God is looking for. Oh, I can’t. I’m not a preacher or a missionary. That’s baloney. Not everyone will come to church or be touched by a missionary. What about those people that just live here? I went shopping and as I looked at all the people, I just pondered this thought. There were at least a hundred people in the store including shoppers and employees. Over half are not born again by any statistic. What does that mean? They’re dying. Just dying. They die that very minute and slip into eternity separated from God and tortured in a devil’s hell forever.
Who Will Go to America?
They left their homes in America
To cross the ocean wide and blue.
They carried their cross, not caring the loss
So other souls could hear the truth.
But the light’s grown dim in America
And sin will be our nation’s doom.
We need more preaching in America
For Jesus is coming soon!
Chorus
Who will go to America?
Land of the red, white, and blue.
Who will go to America?
Tell me brother, why not you?
Our Saviour sends His children forth
To go to every land
To the islands of the uttermost
To find forgotten man.
But the most forgotten mission field
Is within our country’s shores
So who will go to America
She needs Jesus Christ the Lord.
Posted by Addison at 11:43 AM | Comments (5)
May 02, 2006
Teens and their brains
To all those who speculate, to all those who formulate and guess, here’s what really happens between the ages of thirteen and twenty, from somebody who knows!The brain is bombarded with extreme severity by two unstoppable/unchangeable forces. I’ll explain. The two forces are Idiocy and Genius.
There are examples to favor this reasoning. We’ve all heard of young people who’ve done amazing things, for God, for Country, for betterment of self, whatever. Young people are often the most successful inventors. I’ve heard of young people graduating early and going an Ivy League school. However, also in the equation are the following examples. Suicide is the most common in the teenage years. Oftentimes life-changing habits are formed during those years as well. Examples would include drinking, drugs, smoking, sex, and other destructive patterns.
The Genius factor
I really believe it is possible to tap into the Genius stimuli, and create something out of one’s self that the world will never understand, and probably couldn’t if it tried. You see, the Genius factor involves service and devotion to God on high. Most teenagers do not have a clue what this really means. When a teenager does this ultimate service thing, everyone in contact with them is witnessing something amazing.
The Idiocy factor
To often, especially in today’s society; teenagers succumb to the Idiocy factor. This is very damaging. At that age, it seems, kids wind up thinking that the old way of doing things, (The way they were brought up, their parents way of doing things.) is to botched for them to follow. So; they end up turning to influences like their friends, who, in desperation, lead them to do whatever seems right at the moment, often ruining many lives in the process. Take xanga for example. There are countless usernames on their like r0llingst0n3s_31. (God only knows if that is a user on xanga.) But it’s really sad that a young person has to have a username that involves a band name, or a movie. Why? Because they’re clueless about who they really are. What they really are is just the next band, or movie. Really sad.
Wrong decisions during this time are so damaging, in fact, that it ruins impressions of teenagers everywhere, regardless of what they are or what they want they want to be. Hence all the remarks by adults such as this one, “raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree”. Which, I’m quick to remind my readers, is simply done factoring in the proper usage and application of duck tape. They end up viewing all teenagers the same, and not giving any teenagers a chance.
The gist: If you’re an adult, give teens a chance. If you’re a teenager, tap into the Genius factor, not the Idiocy factor.
Posted by Addison at 07:51 PM
April 12, 2006
Aging... But not so gracefully...
It seems that as one grows older many things, (some undesirable, and some not) make themselves present that were never there before. Odd, isn’t it? How we attempt to make everything the way we want it, only to have it change, regardless of how little we want it to change. For one, people tend to expect more from someone older. Despite the fact that idiocy is common even over the age of twenty. It seems some people don’t want to grow up. They mask the maturity, substituting complete stupidity where maturity and responsibility should go. Then, as they grow even older, they attempt to hide even the physical signs of age. Wrinkle cream, workouts, and generally dressing/acting in an attempt to associate with Generation X, when in reality, GenX’ers don’t even want that association. Time forces change. I find myself looking at the future a lot more lately. It’s like, three years ago; I could care less about when I turned 18. It was just another; albeit a “cooler” age to reach. Now, it’s like all these things present themselves that weren’t an issue until recently. Like college. I’ve never really thought about college. Sure, I’ve dreamed about taking Full Sail’s film program, but is it likely? Not really. People’s perception of who you are and what is expected changes. I find that, as of late, I’m getting a talking to about things I’ve been able to get away with in the past. Why? People don’t expect it from someone my age. However, I really don’t want to grow up. I want to stay the same goofy, irresponsible, funny, girl magnet that I’ve always been. Ok, sorry. As you can see, it is terribly difficult for me to stay serious for long. Hence this humorous birthday list I plan on giving to anyone that asks.Update: Here is the birthday list...
Posted by Addison at 07:47 PM
March 25, 2006
Article
Apologies, I neglected to post the article that I referenced in the last post. Here it is...Also, I have recently borrowed Josh Groban’s album, Closer. Interesting dude; this Josh Groban guy. He seems to have a really clear and true voice, rather than a scratchy, breathy, or wavering one. The best song on the album is Remember when it rained. It’s awesome. Here are the lyrics.
Wash away the thoughts inside
That keep my mind away from you
No more love and no more pride
And thoughts are all I have to do
Remember when it rained
I felt the ground and looked up high and called your name
Remember when it rained
In the darkness I remain
Tears of hope run down my skin
Tears for you that will not dry
They magnify the one within
And let the outside slowly die
Remember when it rained
I felt the ground and looked up high and called your name
Remember when it rained
In the water I remain
Running down...
Posted by Addison at 07:53 PM
March 04, 2006
Scary Isn't it?
I’m Nero!
Yes! It’s true! I get to be Nero in my church’s Easter program! It’s gonna be awesome! I can’t wait! I’m growing my hair out and everything. Who woulda guessed Nero could be one cool dude! Just kidding! You know, I hope it isn’t cause for people to question my sanity that I enjoy playing the role of Nero so much. Drat. Also today comes “Tale” part 3. Enjoy!
Tale of Two Cities Part 3
Alas! Perhaps I spoke to soon. Chapter 17 (One Night) of Book The Second, The Golden Thread is perhaps the most engaging read yet. Still, it is written in a rather hard to understand fashion. Although things do seem to be turning uphill. I dare say, (and this is shocking considering my previously harsh criticism) that I was unable to put it down until finding out whether Dr. Manette would climb out of his relapse. That shocked the pants off me! I totally did not see that coming in the least. Here his daughter just gets married, her and her father could not be on better terms, they share intimate thoughts and feelings, she gets married, and BOOM! He goes into a relapse. Man. I was very surprised. I still would like to know this means to the whole story though. I mean, it’s interesting, it’s engaging, but I find myself asking “to what end”? I suppose all secrets shall be revealed in the end. Stay tuned though, part 4 may very well be on it’s way. Or not. We’ll see.
Posted by Addison at 07:45 PM
February 22, 2006
Secrets kept shrouded in who we are
Fair warning: I’m going to go a bit philosopher.Ok, a friend and I were talking and this sort of came about. Isn’t this interesting? Everybody is who they are because of who they are, and everybody is nobody if they’re not somebody. Ok, explanation. I am who I am because of the things that make me different from everybody else. Because without those things everybody is like a clone and nobody is anybody. Here’s the really interesting part; the everyone is different than everyone else; providing a global secret in that no one really knows anyone else. We are all separate from others. No one can truly know the thoughts and intentions of others. God made each of us as secrets to each other, but known in plain to Him. Amazing isn’t it? Alright, I’ll admit it, this came about thanks to Dickens’ Tale of Two Cities. I know your probably bored stiff hearing about me and my lame literary achievements.
In other news, some strange going’s on are happening at Splurge on Fudge. It seems that Ruth has big plans to conquer the world or something. Harrison and I have vowed not to let her, so the world can rest at ease. Now, as to the pending Marxist revolution that will enslave the world, Harrison and I are chipping away at the foundation over at Briefly Put. Either way, the world always manages to get itself into an unrecoverable state of, well, shall we say, “imminent danger”.
Posted by Addison at 07:46 PM
February 16, 2006
Misc. Updates
The ConcordeThe Concorde was such a cool plane. I’ve never actually flown on it, but it was truly awesome. It was an amazing bird. It was a supersonic transport plane. It was beautiful. It was a community. It was too darn expensive for everyone, but it sure was a cool plane.
Why all this talk about the Concorde? Well, I dug through some old VHS tapes and played one that’s a PBS documentary about it. It’s too bad they discontinued it. Sure was cool while it was around. 9/11 killed it. About 40 of the most frequent flyers of Concorde were killed in the WTC attacks.
The War of The Worlds
In other news; In my recent literary excursions, I have finished H.G. Wells’ famed novel about alien invasions from Mars, The War of The Worlds. Now, the commentary. At first it seems like timing really is everything. I started it when I started reading Tale of Two Cities. When I started War of The Worlds, it seemed like a rather hard read. A good read, but nonetheless a hard one. So, as time progressed, I sort of stretched my literary ability on Tale of Two Cities. Due to schoolwork (and mainly laziness) I had set down The War Of The World’s for a decent amount of time. Then I got the War Of The Worlds DVD from the library. (The old one) It was a really good movie. So, seeing that got me wanting to read the rest of the book. So I did, and due to reading Tale of Two Cities, it seemed like a lot more of an easy read than it did in the beginning. It was really interesting. The first person style of writing is very convincing. One feels as if they are actually conversing with an eyewitness to the Martian invasion. At the start of the book, H. G. Wells emphasizes the character’s experiences following the Martian landing near his house. On the other side of the halfway mark, Wells winds up taking on this philosophical look into life and how it pertains to the recent Martian occupation of the world. Some of his conclusions and ideas are a bit muddled in terms of real Truth, but they are very interesting nonetheless. This is quite possibly the book’s coolest quote: “I felt the first inkling of a thing that presently grew quite clear in my mind, that oppressed me for many days, a sense of dethronement, a persuasion that I was no longer master, but an animal among the animals, under the Martian heel. With us it would be as with them, to lurk and watch, to run and hide; the fear and empire of man had passed away.” Awesome.
Blog update
I hope this blog is not turning into being wholly about my literary experiences. My truest apologies, I will try and post about something different.
Posted by Addison at 06:30 PM
February 09, 2006
Tale of Two Cities Part 2
It could be argued that the length descriptions are necessary for character development. Although, it would seem, that a character would develop more fully by allowing them to speak. Obviously I’m not saying to cut everything but dialogue, that would kill any story. But, consider Dickens’s reference to a character as “The Jackal” or “The Lion”. Rather than to describe someone as a Jackal or a Lion, why not let the dialogue prove them as such? The main idea here is this; it seems that with A Tale of Two Cities that the dialogue is empty and meaningless and serves only to entertain, while the descriptions of thoughts and feelings interspersed throughout is where the meat of the story is. I feel that a story is better woven through engaging dialogue and action than built upon ideas expressed only as existing and not shown directly. Am I totally crazy? Or does what I say have the slightest truth to it? Stay tuned, as there may very well be a part three or even a part four.Posted by Addison at 08:16 PM
February 01, 2006
Tale of Two Cities Part 1
As some of you know, I’m reading Charles Dickens’s book, A Tale of Two Cities for Literature this year. Ok, it was only a matter of time before I said this. That book is the hardest book in the world! Seriously. I didn’t think I would have that much trouble with it because I’m a good reader, I enjoy reading, even what most people would consider “hard”. Like Louis L’Amour, G. A. Henty and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. But Dickens? No. Dickens, (to me) doesn’t seem to follow the logical trail of the Human Mind. For example. Earlier, I said I was reading Prophet. In a book like that, it is good when the reader is kept guessing. It’s a challenge as a writer to keep the reader guessing, but not clueless or disinterested to the point where he wants to put down the book. In Prophet, Peretti keeps the reader guessing, but not clueless or lost in the story. When the mind has a question about another character in the story, Peretti does an excellent job of answering the questions by switching back and forth between different characters and settings. Dickens however stays on one event or character for too long it seems. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate dickens. I’m just making some observations. Also, Dickens has this way of losing the reader, (or at least me) in the process of lengthy descriptions.Posted by Addison at 08:45 PM
