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October 30, 2006
That lovin' feelin
Don't even think about the title of this post. It has nothing to do with the content. It just seemed like a title....
I've got that feeling again. Like I want to do something, but have no clue what. This time it's huge. I want to do something big, something that'll change my future big time. What the heck that is, is anyone's guess. Why am I sharing? I don't really know. I guess a question I have is this, does anyone else get these? I suppose not. I'm special! Least, that's what my mom tells me..... ;)
Posted by Addison at 01:02 PM
Hell is for sale.
Reuters: Who on earth would pay $1 million for hell?
Hell is for sale. I'll be "damned" if I'm not in the market....
Posted by Addison at 12:25 PM
October 29, 2006
Link: Splurge On Fudge: Cookies and Tomatoes
Splurge On Fudge: Cookies and Tomatoes
She's got an interesting point here that demands more thought.
Posted by Addison at 08:54 PM
October 26, 2006
Over The Hedge
This isn't a review, if you're expecting one, see Plugged In's Review. I saw it the other night. It was pretty funny. The movie was a "feel-good" movie. At least for me. It was short, had a bit of a story, and was entertaining. The squirrel was hillarious. See it from the library, don't waste money to rent it.
Posted by Addison at 08:34 PM
October 24, 2006
The Chronicles Of Chrachonia
Well. There you have it. That's what I have so far. It's shabby, half-written, without any known intention to finish it. I stopped writing because I came to a point and I don't know where to turn with the story. Too often is that the case with my ideas. I have the end of the story, and the start, but that's it. The end is this; the Chrachonians end up building their massive teleportation device, and the first planet they travel to is earth. The device works, but with a glitch. After traveling through the device, their heads are hideously disfigured. Read: ugly. So, on earth they do one of two things, 1) they go around eating the heads off of humans thinking that'll fix their own heads, or 2) they retreat in silence to Chrachonia never to venture out of their galaxy again out of embarrasment. So there you have it. Any thoughts would be welcomed. Props to Tolkienist for posting such extensive comments on Chapter 1. Thanks man. :)
Posted by Addison at 06:21 PM | Comments (2)
You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)
Song: You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)
Band/Artist: Josh Groban
Album: You Are Loved (Don't Give Up) - Single
Year: 2006
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I, I will lift it for you
Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I. I will break it for you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved
Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I'll be there to find you
Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I. I will shine to guide you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you...
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved (you are loved)
You are loved (you are loved)
Don't give up (don't give up)
It's just the weight of the world!! (you are loved)
Don't give up (don't give up)
Everyone needs to be heard (don't give up)
You are loved (you are loved)
Posted by Addison at 01:58 PM | Comments (1)
Josh Groban's Awake
Josh Groban is releasing a new album title Awake on Nov. 7th. I have every intention of buying it. Especially since the newest track from the album, You Are Loved (Don't Give Up) is amazing. It demonstrates his signature crystal clear voice, and undeniable ability to capture the human soul in music. The newest track is available for listen in the Addison Todd Player. Quite possibly it is the best song he's done. You doing yourself a dis-service if you don't listen to it at least once.
Posted by Addison at 01:16 PM | Comments (1)
October 23, 2006
The Chronicles of Chrachonia Chapter 2
Chapter 2 (High Council)
In High Council, all routine attendees are seated behind large, ornate desks that look up to the platform, where the actual Council is seated at a half circle table at the center of which is seated the Kodem, who facilitates the proceedings. The High Council is broadcast all over the planet so that nothing is decided without 100% knowledge of the people. All the routine attendees rise in unison with their leader who announces, “I will now the address High Council of Chrachonia”. The members and the High Council in unified response shout, “Kodem Haman now speaks!” Haman raises his hand and the routine attendees and the High Council are seared. Haman begins. “People of Chrachonia, High Council of Chrachonia, I come before you with a plan for Chrachonia. To long our people have been suffering from laziness and boredom. To long they have spend their days doing mindless tasks that were created to occupy them. The vast Chrachonian knowledge of the universe and its intricacies is put to waste of by this drab lifestyle. Our people are brilliant and they have the knowledge of the universe, each one of them. They were given the gift of all knowledge and intelligence many years ago, as well all know. It must not be squandered by this generation.” The Council and the routine attendees murmur their agreement. Haman continues “As you know, there are other worlds and galaxies in our universe and the gods only know if there are other universes. It is time to enlighten the entire universe with Chrachonian knowledge. To long have Chrachonians done nothing to bestow intelligence to the other worlds. In this, Chrachonians have damned the universe to stupidity in our unwillingness to share this great knowledge.” Rafan, the oldest member to hold a seat on the High Council speaks. “Kodem Haman is right! What legacy do we leave our children? The legacy of a cruel society? Our first generation fathers swore an oath never to oppress a society by the cruelty of an authoritarian government that we have not violated in 200,000 years of Chrachonian greatness. We have learned of amazing things in that time. We have built amazing things in that time. But now, at the end of all knowledge and intelligence while it is in every Chrachonian man, woman and child’s own mind, will we curse our father’s oath, and even the universe itself as a result of not imparting this great gift to the known universe? Well!?!?!” “No,” the crowd shouts in disapproval. Quietly at first, then louder and bolder the crowd beckons as the High Council looks on. “What shall we do?” “We have all intelligence, what is left to do?” As the volume in the great hall elevates, Haman raises his hand slowly, silencing all pleas. “The High Council ahs pondered this question for years now. We have reached the conclusion that Chrachonia must act. Chrachonia shall begin the construction of a teleportation portal.” At this announcement, the crowd begins to vibrate disgust. “We already have teleportation all over our world, why build more?” Kodem Haman quickly answers. “Yes, single teleports that transfer from one end of the planet to the other. However, we plan to design a teleportation system so advanced, it would allow us to send great quantities of our society to distances far, far away. This portal will also be able to port us to different dimensions of time as well. As a result, Chrachonians will occupy uninhabited worlds, and inhabited worlds will be given the everlasting gift of all knowledge and intelligence, as we Chrachonians know it. We Chrachonians will rise as the saviors of the universe!” The thundering applause and shouting of the Chrachonians shakes the assembly. At this point, all of Chrachonia is engulfed in shouting and applause. The High Council has spent some time conducting research into the teleportation project. Over the next several years, the data is taught to all of Chrachonia as they prepare to undergo the construction of the device.
Posted by Addison at 01:47 PM | Comments (1)
October 22, 2006
The Chronicles of Chrachonia Chapter 1
Foreword
The story of Chrachonia is a long one. It is one that is sad, happy, and has many characters. It was asked of me to tell it, hence, it is being put into print for the first time that I know of. It is the story of a planet that is far away, in another galaxy even. That planet is Chrachonia (Kra – Sho – Ney – Uh). To properly understand the story of the Chrachonians, one must have a brief introduction of their culture and the main characters in this story. Hence, chapter 1.
Chapter 1 (Chrachonia)
The planet of Chrachonia is far away in another galaxy. Here is a brief overview of it’s history. It has been in existence far before earth’s mere six thousand years. And, by any intelligent man’s estimation, it will be in existence far longer than earth could ever exist. The start of Crachonia differs depending on which story you hear, but the main facts are the same. Chrachonia once only consisted of four individuals. They were the sole survivors of a catastrophic event on another planet. What planet and what events are different based on who tells the story. There were two women, and two men. They crash-landed on the Chrachonia, that, at that time, was abundant in plant and animal life, but there was no intelligent life on the planet. They recognized the planet’s unprecedented ability to sustain life. They decided to make their homes there, and start the world of Chrachonia. They did this by consulting their gods, and swearing an oath to one another. They swore that neither they, nor their descendents would ever allow an authoritarian form of government. For a thousand years, they labored to build the ultimate society. After a thousand years, the gods saw the good that the Chrachonians had done, they decided to do something they had never done for any other planet. They imparted to them all knowledge and intelligence. The Chrachonians were now the most advanced civilization to ever have lived. They were still primitive, but they had the means to do almost anything. For another twenty five hundred years, the Chrachonians united and accomplished such great works in all areas. Architecture, literature, science, technology, religion, and even arts and media were all conquered to the height of their ability, which was the pinnacle of all intelligence. The things they accomplished cannot be written here for they could not be explained, neither would there be room if they could. The Chrachonian government is vastly different than any you or I have ever known. It is not absolute, as a result of the oath, but there is one man who holds a central position. He is known as the Kodem. He acts as a chairman of the High Council, which decides all major decisions. The public has a two-thirds deciding vote for who sits on the High Council, and all may attend the high Council meetings. The Chrachonian military is of a singular peculiarity. Many years ago, it was discovered the Chrachonia is the only planet in the universe that is home to the Groken. (Gra – kin) The Groken is a peculiar animal to say the least. I shall do my best to describe them in sufficient detail here. They have the skin of an elephant, but differ from the elephant in weight. The Elephant is very heavy, while these beasts are very light. It has an eagle-shaped head with a beak to match, and wings like a hawk. It is very agile, can fly very fast, and is able to carry many times it’s own weight. For these reasons, as well as it’s ability to go months without eating, make it the single most valuable resource to the Chrachonians. Their military uses them almost exclusively for locomotion, and the civilians use them as well. They are abundant on Chrachonia; however, no one knows why Chrachonia is their only home in the universe.
The royal family, at the time of our story consists of three members. The current Kodem, Haman, and his wife, Kesorates, (kes – or – ot – tees) and their daughter, Kianna. Haman is the only Kodem in Chrachonian history to be elected unanimously. As a result, he has been the most benevolent and gracious leader they had ever had. His oversight and direction in all the planet’s undertakings have led Chrachonia to the height of her cultural development. Kianna, Haman’s daughter, is very beautiful. She is the very definition of beauty. Dark hair, caring blue eyes, and soft, lightly tanned skin. All Chrachonians had lightly tanned skin, for the star that provided light to Chrachonia was able to penetrate through all substances with ease. Being of an entirely different construct than our own sun, it did not bear harmful rays, it only provided light, and kept everyone nicely tan year-round. She was a member of the royal family, therefore, by right and position she could marry any one of age on the planet that she wished. However, although she was of age, and her father needed a successor to nominate, and there were many charming and rugged lieutenants in her father’s military, she was as of yet, unfettered. She knew the man that she wanted to marry. One would assume that he was a well-paid lieutenant in her father’s military. Regardless, that is not the case. The man she intended was not even known by her family. She in fact had only seen him once, and had not even been formally introduced. All Chrachonians, after learning all knowledge and intelligence in the first 100 years of their education, then spend a subsequent 50 years gaining knowledge of Chrachonian life. In the last of high study, on the last day, All students visit the airstrips and learn of the military and the Grokens. It was on this day that Kianna saw the man she wanted to marry. She caught her first glance of him as he climbed aboard his Groken. Yes, he was a Groken pilot. He was handsome with a caring face and a winning smile. His hair was a dark, near-black color. And his eyes; Ah! Those eyes! She loved his deep set, sensitive brown eyes. He was not a quiet man, but he wasn’t rash in his words either. She stared at him for what seems like an eternity, before realizing that he was staring back at her. Slowly, regretfully, she pulled her gaze back to the master. She has never seen him since, and, although it has been nigh ten years, she still loves him.
Now that a thorough background has been given on Chrachonian life and culture, I shall spend the next paragraphs detailing the present situation. At present, the Chrachonians are at a standstill so to speak. They are still developing, still learning, making love and making war, but the majority of society are transients, that have next to nothing to do. They have their daily duties, but their time is squandered in unmentionable evils. They have reached the meridian of their society and have developed virtually everything there is to develop. They waste away as a result of reaching the top. Apparently, once one has reached the top, there is nowhere else to go. Haman has seen this, and has drawn a meeting of High Council to discuss this growing problem. It is feared, at least by Haman, that, as a result of reaching this height, in the next thousand years, they are doomed to, as a result of their wasting away, to return to little or no knowledge and intelligence. Here is where our story begins. High Council has been in session for a week while other business has been discussed. Now, Haman addresses the Council on this dangerous path that Chrachonia is on.
Posted by Addison at 01:46 PM | Comments (3)
October 21, 2006
The Chronicles of Chrachonia
I think it's time I share this with my loyal readers. Perhaps they'll reel in disgust, or perhaps they'll think quite highly of it. Some time ago, I had an idea and went about putting it to page. However, after diligently working on it, I lost my sense of direction for the story. I have many ideas of where to take it from here, but I can't seem to nail down which one to use. I only wrote two full chapters, and the very beginning of chapter 3. I'll post them over the next couple of days. Feel free to post your comments on the story, I should love to hear them. At the end, I'll write a conclusionary post to explain some of my ideas for the rest of the story, and give you an opurtunity to voice your opinion on that as well.
Posted by Addison at 01:50 PM | Comments (1)
October 19, 2006
Site Write Up: RandomQuote
Site Write-Up: RandomQuote
Who: Isaac Todd (of place4pics.blogspot.com)
Where: http://quoter1.blogspot.com/
What: A new quote as often as can be posted. Quite a nice read.
Posted by Addison at 02:20 PM | Comments (1)
Site Write Up: DynamicBible.com
Site Write-Up: DynamicBible.com
Who: Jason Wall (of walljm.com)
Where: DynamicBible.com
What: An online Bible with strongs, and a few other things I think. Check it out. Well worth your read... DUH! It's the Bible. And it's easy to use and is not cluttered.
Posted by Addison at 01:16 PM
October 18, 2006
This Morning
Do you ever wake up in the morning with a feeling of not wanting to do anything at all? LIke you could just lay there all darn day? Then you get up... why? Then you do the things that you've been in a rut doing for X number of years. Like showering, shaving, etc. But all the while you feel like someone else is controlling you. You don't move because you want to, out of necessity, you move because inside you know you're supposed to. Then, after the basics are done, you eat. I wanted to do that. From there, you just walk around and wonder what to do, not doing anything because nothing strikes your fancy. I suppose that's an incredibly selfish state of mind to have.
Posted by Addison at 04:58 PM
My Absence Is Over
I can see the glint in your eye after reading the title of this post. You're all just dying to read what I have to say!
Posted by Addison at 03:54 PM | Comments (1)
October 10, 2006
When You Say You Love Me
Song: When You Say You Love Me
Band/Artist: Josh Groban
Album: Closer
Year: 2003
Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice and suddenly
I'm falling, lost in a dream.
Like the echoes of our souls are meeting,
You say those words and my heart stops beating.
I wonder what it means.
What could it be that comes over me?
At times I can't move.
At times I can hardly breath.
When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive
You're the one I've always thought of.
I don't know how, but I feel sheltered in your love.
You're where I belong.
And when you're with me if I close my eyes,
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly
For a moment in time.
Somewhere between the Heavens and Earth ,
And frozen in time, Oh when you say those words.
When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
For a moment, there's no one else alive
bridge:
And this journey that we're on.
How far we've come and I celebrate every moment.
And when you say you love me,
That's all you have to say.
I'll always feel this way.
When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
In that moment,I know why I'm alive
When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?
Available for listen on the Addison Todd Player.
Posted by Addison at 07:38 PM | Comments (2)
October 06, 2006
The Love I Have Yet To Have
I want to love.
Deeper, broader, fuller than I've ever known.
This love is a full, sweet, satisfying love.
This love is not selfish in any way.
It continually thinks of others, and never itself.
This love is pulchritudinous, long, never-ending.
This love is not bought, neither is it sold.
All who see this love desire it, or at least it's qualities.
This love, is the love I have yet to have.
Posted by Addison at 07:19 PM | Comments (4)
October 05, 2006
The Ultimate Yo Mamma Collection
Found these on another site. Enjoy!
Yo mama's so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move out of the way.
Yo mama's so fat n black, she jumped in the ocean and they thought she was an oil spill.
Yo mama's so fat that she has TB... two bellies.
Yo mama's so fat, "Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her thighs.
Yo mama's so fat, a picture of her fell off the wall!
Yo mama's so fat, after she got off the carousel, the horse limped for a week.
Yo mama's so fat, all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor.
Yo mama's so fat, all the chairs in her house have seat belts.
Yo mama's so fat, all the restaurants in town have signs that says: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"
Yo mama's so fat, and her back is so crooked, when she lays down...people say "I didn't know we had mountains."
Yo mama's so fat, and you're so poor, when she comes in your house the tires pop.
Yo mama's so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
Yo mama's so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirits.
Yo mama's so fat, even her shadow has stretch marks.
Yo mama's so fat, even Richard Simmons laughs at her.
Yo mama's so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
Yo mama's so fat, God created her, and on the seventh day he rested.
Yo mama's so fat, her back has it's own congressman.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
Yo mama's so fat, her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
Yo mama's so fat, her belt size is the equator.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is rocky-road.
Yo mama's so fat, her car is made of spandex.
Yo mama's so fat, her car is made out of spandex.
Yo mama's so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
Yo mama's so fat, her college graduation picture was an aerial.
Yo mama's so fat, her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
Yo mama's so fat, her favorite blouse is a tent.
Yo mama's so fat, her nickname is "wow."
Yo mama's so fat, her picture takes two frames.
Yo mama's so fat, her skates went flat.
Yo mama's so fat, her tailor takes her measurements in light years.
Yo mama's so fat, her yearbook picture is an aerial.
Yo mama's so fat, I gain weight just by watching her eat.
Yo mama's so fat, I gotta take three steps back just to see all of her.
Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
Yo mama's so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost.
Yo mama's so fat, I saw a picture of her in a magazine on page 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.
Yo mama's so fat, I saw her in New York, and when I told my friend in LA, he'd seen her too.
Yo mama's so fat, if she wears fishnet stockings, they'd better be 50 pound test!
Yo mama's so fat, if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance!
Yo mama's so fat, if she were an airplane, she'd be a jumbo jet.
Yo mama's so fat, instead of Levi's 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's.
Yo mama's so fat, instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.
Yo mama's so fat, Jenny Craig did a credit check.
Yo mama's so fat, NASA is going to use her to fill the hole in the ozone layer.
Yo mama's so fat, NASA orbits satellites around her.
Yo mama's so fat, no one can talk behind her back.
Yo mama's so fat, on a scale of 1 to 10, she's a 747.
Yo mama's so fat, one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out.
Yo mama's so fat, one day when she got in a fight the person fighting her got lost in her.
Yo mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise.
Yo mama's so fat, she ain't on a diet, she's on a triet... She be like "What y'all eating? I'll try it!"
Yo mama's so fat, she broke her leg and gravy dripped out.
Yo mama's so fat, she bungee jumped and went straight to the bottom.
Yo mama's so fat, she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't lose weight, only find it.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't reach her back pocket.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't tie her own shoes.
Yo mama's so fat, she could go a week without eating and still not lose weight.
Yo mama's so fat, she could sell shade.
Yo mama's so fat, she DJ's for the ice cream truck.
Yo mama's so fat, she don't eat Wheat Thins, she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama's so fat, she don't know whether she's walking or rolling.
Yo mama's so fat, she eats biscuits like tic tacs.
Yo mama's so fat, she eats cereal out of a satellite dish.
Yo mama's so fat, she eats pumpkin pies like Skittles.
Yo mama's so fat, she fell in love and broke it.
Yo mama's so fat, she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck.
Yo mama's so fat, she fell off a boat and the captain yelled "Land Ho!"
Yo mama's so fat, she fills up the bath tub, and then she turns on the water.
Yo mama's so fat, she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-gosh-it's-coming-towards-us!
Yo mama's so fat, she gets her toenails painted at Earl Schieb's.
Yo mama's so fat, she gets runs in her jeans.
Yo mama's so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, and says "Okay."
Yo mama's so fat, she got hit by a truck and asked "Who threw that rock?"
Yo mama's so fat, she had to roll over 4 times just to get an even tan.
Yo mama's so fat, she has 48 midnight snacks.
Yo mama's so fat, she has a greater gravitational attraction than a black hole.
Yo mama's so fat, she has her own area code.
Yo mama's so fat, she has more nooks and crannies than a Thomas' English Muffin.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to get out of the car to change gears.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to get out of the car to change the radio station.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to grease her hands to get into her pockets.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to keep pesos in one pocket and yen in the other.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to use a lawn chair instead of a Thigh Master.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to use sleeping bags for tube socks.
Yo mama's so fat, she has two stomachs: One for meat, one for vegetables.
Yo mama's so fat, she jumped for joy and got stuck.
Yo mama's so fat, she jumped in the ocean and the ocean jumped back and said "I'll wait my turn."
Yo mama's so fat, she jumped in the ocean and the whales started singing "We are family!"
Yo mama's so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo mama's so fat, she leaves stretch marks on the bathtub.
Yo mama's so fat, she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen.
Yo mama's so fat, she looks like the Stay-Puff marshmallow man on steroids.
Yo mama's so fat, she made Richard Simmons cry.
Yo mama's so fat, she made weight watchers go blind.
Yo mama's so fat, she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.
Yo mama's so fat, she makes Free Willy look like a Tic-Tac.
Yo mama's so fat, she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.
Yo mama's so fat, she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as big.
Yo mama's so fat, she needs a road map to find her back.
Yo mama's so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: LA, Detroit, Seattle, NY.
Yo mama's so fat, she plays pool with the planets.
Yo mama's so fat, she pulls up a chair to an all-u-can-eat buffet.
Yo mama's so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Yo mama's so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Yo mama's so fat, she sat in Big Foot and made it a lowrider.
Yo mama's so fat, she sat on a dollar and made change.
Yo mama's so fat, she sat on a rowing machine and it sank.
Yo mama's so fat, she sat on an Oreo and unlocked the magic.
Yo mama's so fat, she sat on four quarters and made a dollar.
Yo mama's so fat, she sat on the corner and the police came & said "Break it up!"
Yo mama's so fat, she shops for clothes in the local tent shop.
Yo mama's so fat, she shows up on radar.
Yo mama's so fat, she smells like bacon at 90 degrees.
Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a scale and she saw her phone number.
Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it said "Please step out of the car."
Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her "Sorry, we don't do livestock."
Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to "Get the heck off."
Yo mama's so fat, she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H d.
Yo mama's so fat, she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses a kiddie slide for a shoe horn.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses a pillow case as a sock.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses blanket as a washcloth.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses diet soap.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses the carpet as a blanket.
Yo mama's so fat, she wakes up in sections.
Yo mama's so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
Yo mama's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her as a new world.
Yo mama's so fat, she was in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade... wearing ropes.
Yo mama's so fat, she wears a hula-hoop for a belly-button ring.
Yo mama's so fat, she wears a VCR for a beeper.
Yo mama's so fat, she wears a watch on each arm, one for each time zone.
Yo mama's so fat, she wears an asteroid belt.
Yo mama's so fat, she went on a light diet... As soon as it's light she starts eating.
Yo mama's so fat, she went on a seafood diet... Whenever she saw food she ate it.
Yo mama's so fat, she went to a Chinese Restaurant and ordered a 40oz. of gravy.
Yo mama's so fat, she went to sit down and the chair begged for mercy.
Yo mama's so fat, she went to Sizzler and got a group discount.
Yo mama's so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Yo mama's so fat, she's 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!
Yo mama's so fat, she's 36-24-36... but that's in feet.
Yo mama's so fat, she's got Amtrak tattooed on her leg.
Yo mama's so fat, she's got her own zip code.
Yo mama's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
Yo mama's so fat, she's half Indian, half Irish, and half American.
Yo mama's so fat, she's moving the Earth out of its orbit.
Yo mama's so fat, she's not kidding when she says "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!"
Yo mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.
Yo mama's so fat, she's taller lying down.
Yo mama's so fat, the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot-dogs.
Yo mama's so fat, the body snatchers called home for backup.
Yo mama's so fat, the earth orbits around her instead of the sun.
Yo mama's so fat, the highway patrol made her wear a "Caution! Wide Turn" sign.
Yo mama's so fat, the horse on her Jordache jeans is real.
Yo mama's so fat, the horse on her Polo shirt is real.
Yo mama's so fat, the last time she saw 90210 she was on a scale.
Yo mama's so fat, the only thing she can fit into at the clothing store is the dressing rooms.
Yo mama's so fat, the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door.
Yo mama's so fat, the shadow of her weighs 50 pounds.
Yo mama's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes.
Yo mama's so fat, they changed my Physics book to say "What goes up must come down, except Yo mama."
Yo mama's so fat, they had to baptize her at Sea World.
Yo mama's so fat, they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.
Yo mama's so fat, they had to install speed bumps at the all-u-can-eat buffet.
Yo mama's so fat, they have to run a relay race to get her belt through her belt loops.
Yo mama's so fat, they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping.
Yo mama's so fat, they used her for a trampoline at the Olympics.
Yo mama's so fat, we got her in the drive-in free by dressing her as a Chevy.
Yo mama's so fat, we're inside her right now.
Yo mama's so fat, when her beeper went off, people thought she was backing up.
Yo mama's so fat, when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.
Yo mama's so fat, when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas.
Yo mama's so fat, when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.
Yo mama's so fat, when it says all-u-can-eat it still ain't enough.
Yo mama's so fat, when she auditioned for a part in "Indiana Jones," she got the part as the big rolling ball.
Yo mama's so fat, when she backs up she beeps.
Yo mama's so fat, when she bends over we go into daylight savings time.
Yo mama's so fat, when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains."
Yo mama's so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.
Yo mama's so fat, when she comes down the stairs she measures on the Richter scale.
Yo mama's so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
Yo mama's so fat, when she dances, she makes the band skip.
Yo mama's so fat, when she fell down the stairs, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo mama's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
Yo mama's so fat, when she gets on the scale it says "To be continued."
Yo mama's so fat, when she gets out of the car, she leaves stretch marks.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders "Thank You, Come Again."
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, little kids yell "Free Willy, Free Willy."
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to the circus she sees the big top and asks "Where can I try that on?"
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to the circus she takes up all the rings.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got on the bus she turned it into a low rider.
Yo mama's so fat, when she leaves the beach everybody shouts "The coast is clear."
Yo mama's so fat, when she opens the refrigerator, it says "I give up!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she ordered a "My Size Meal" at McDonald's they gave her a dinosaur.
Yo mama's so fat, when she ordered a "My Size Meal" at McDonald's they gave her the key to the store.
Yo mama's so fat, when she played hide-n-go-seek, she hid behind a water tower.
Yo mama's so fat, when she plays football she play offense and defense.
Yo mama's so fat, when she plays football she plays the interior line.
Yo mama's so fat, when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.
Yo mama's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.
Yo mama's so fat, when she saw a yellow bus going down the road she yelled "Hey! Stop that Twinkie."
Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.
Yo mama's so fat, when she sits in a chair, the rolls on her legs, cover her feet like a blanket.
Yo mama's so fat, when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama's so fat, when she stepped on a train track, the warning lights went on.
Yo mama's so fat, when she steps on a scale, it says "One at a time, please."
Yo mama's so fat, when she swims, she leaves stretch marks on the swimming pool.
Yo mama's so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet.
Yo mama's so fat, when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she travels, she's gotta make two trips.
Yo mama's so fat, when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.
Yo mama's so fat, when she volunteered to clean cages at the zoo, people walked by and said "Look at the elephant!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she walks across the living room, the radio skips.
Yo mama's so fat, when she walks down the street everyone yells "Earthquake!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she walks down the street, you can hear her hips saying to each other "If you let me by, I'll let you pass."
Yo mama's so fat, when she walks in front of the T.V., you miss 5 minutes of your show.
Yo mama's so fat, when she was born, she didn't get a birth certificate, she got blue prints.
Yo mama's so fat, when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo mama's so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a purple sweater people call her "Barney."
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a red dress people yell "Hey Kool-Aid Man."
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, kids think its the school bus.
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people call her "Taxi!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears corduroy pants, the ridges don't show.
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears heels, they're flats by the afternoon.
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to a dating service, they matched her up with Detroit.
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the Rose Parade they thought she was a float.
Yo mama's so fat, when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.
Yo mama's so fat, when she works at the movie theater, she works as the screen.
Yo mama's so fat, when the cashier at KFC asked what size bucket she wanted, she said the one on the roof.
Yo mama's so fat, when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them.
Yo mama's so fat, when yo father fell in love with her he got lost.
Yo mama's so fat, you can't even see her legs, it just looks like she's gliding across the floor.
Yo mama's so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
Yo mama's so stupid when she asked me what kind of jeans I wore, I said Guess and she said "Ah Levi's?"
Yo mama's so stupid, her shoes say TGIF- toes go in front.
Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.
Yo mama's so stupid, I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope, asked what she was doing, and she said sending a voice mail.
Yo mama's so stupid, I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it.
Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose.
Yo mama's so stupid, if brains were gas she wouldn't have enough to power a flea-mobile around the inside of a Fruit Loop.
Yo mama's so stupid, if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
Yo mama's so stupid, if you gave her a penny for her intelligence you'd get change.
Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.
Yo mama's so stupid, on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911.
Yo mama's so stupid, she asked for a price check at the dollar store.
Yo mama's so stupid, she asked you "What is the number for 911".
Yo mama's so stupid, she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.
Yo mama's so stupid, she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.
Yo mama's so stupid, she can't make Jello because she can't fit 2 quarts of water in the box.
Yo mama's so stupid, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
Yo mama's so stupid, she couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if I gave her two guesses.
Yo mama's so stupid, she died before the police arrived because she couldn't find the "11" button in "9-1-1"
Yo mama's so stupid, she fell up the stairs.
Yo mama's so stupid, she got a part time job painting skittles.
Yo mama's so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
Yo mama's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Yo mama's so stupid, she got shot running to the border after seeing a Taco Bell commercial.
Yo mama's so stupid, she had Dan Quayle check her spelling.
Yo mama's so stupid, she invented a solar powered flashlight.
Yo mama's so stupid, she jumped out the window and went up.
Yo mama's so stupid, she married Yo daddy.
Yo mama's so stupid, she needed a tutor to learn how to scribble.
Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald's and said "Hold the cheese."
Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put a peephole in a glass door.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gum ball to come out.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept.
Yo mama's so stupid, she put on a coat to chew winterfresh gum.
Yo mama's so stupid, she ran out of gas leaving Texaco.
Yo mama's so stupid, she said "what's that letter after x" and I said Y she said "Cause I want to know".
Yo mama's so stupid, she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
Yo mama's so stupid, she sold the car for gas money.
Yo mama's so stupid, she sold the house to pay the mortgage.
Yo mama's so stupid, she stands up on an empty bus.
Yo mama's so stupid, she studied for a blood test and failed.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg's holiday album.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks socialism means partying!
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks stereotype is the brand on her clock-radio.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Boyz2Men was a daycare center.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Chubby Checkers was a game for fat people.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought hamburger helper came with another person.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought menopause was a button on the VCR.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought meow mix was a record for cats.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought she could get food stamps at the post office.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought Thailand was a men's clothing store.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought the board of education was a piece of wood.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought the Internet was something you catch fish with.
Yo mama's so stupid, she told everyone that she was "illegitimate" because she couldn't read.
Yo mama's so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Yo mama's so stupid, she took lessons for a player piano.
Yo mama's so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jiff.
Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to drown a fish.
Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to drown herself in a carpool.
Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to insult you and started with "Yo mama's so..."
Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to mail a letter with food stamps.
Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to steal a free sample.
Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to strangle herself with a cordless phone.
Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to throw a bird off a cliff.
Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.
Yo mama's so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone.
Yo mama's so stupid, she was locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
Yo mama's so stupid, she went on Double Dare and when they asked her name she said "I think I'll take the physical challenge."
Yo mama's so stupid, she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
Yo mama's so stupid, she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.
Yo mama's so stupid, she went to the Gap to get her teeth fixed.
Yo mama's so stupid, she wouldn't know up from down if she had three guesses.
Yo mama's so stupid, they had to burn the school down to get her out of 3rd grade.
Yo mama's so stupid, when her husband lost his marbles she bought him new ones.
Yo mama's so stupid, when I asked her if she wanted to play one on one, she said "Ok, but what's the teams?"
Yo mama's so stupid, when I gave her a dollar and asked for a quater back, she gave me Dan Marino.
Yo mama's so stupid, when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
Yo mama's so stupid, when she pulls up to a flashing red light it sounds like this... Vroom, Screech, Vroom, Screech.
Yo mama's so stupid, when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line, she put "O.K."
Yo mama's so stupid, when she saw a "Wrong Way" sign in her rearview mirror, she turned around.
Yo mama's so stupid, when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends.
Yo mama's so stupid, when she took you to the airport and a sign said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.
Yo mama's so stupid, when she went by the YMCA she said "Hey, they spelled Macy's wrong."
Yo mama's so stupid, when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
Yo mama's so stupid, when she worked at McDonald's and someone ordered small fries, she said "Hey Boss, all the small one's are gone."
Yo mama's so stupid, when someone said "Take the trash out," she moved.
Yo mama's so stupid, when the judge said "Order in the court," she said "I'll have a hamburger and a Coke."
Yo mama's so stupid, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon.
Yo mama's so stupid, you can make her eyes twinkle by shining light in her ears.
Yo mama's so stupid, you can tell when she's used the computer because there's White Out all over the screen.
Posted by Addison at 07:25 PM | Comments (13)
Link: Foley emails a prank gone awry!
Drudge: Foley emails a prank gone awry
Whadaya know!
via: Drudge Report
Posted by Addison at 02:34 PM
October 01, 2006
iTunes
Don't download the latest version of iTunes. It's junk. The thousand little tweaks they did screwed it up bad. It's now junk. If you need the old version, see http://www.oldapps.com. I had a friend who downloaded it and it messed him up too. Just trying to warn you, so it doesn't do the same thing to you.
Posted by Addison at 09:35 PM | Comments (2)
New webpoll.
In case you havn't been to the main page of addisontodd.com lately, there's a new web poll begging you're opinion.
Posted by Addison at 01:40 PM | Comments (1)
