« The Chronicles of Chrachonia | Main | The Chronicles of Chrachonia Chapter 2 »
October 22, 2006
The Chronicles of Chrachonia Chapter 1
Foreword
The story of Chrachonia is a long one. It is one that is sad, happy, and has many characters. It was asked of me to tell it, hence, it is being put into print for the first time that I know of. It is the story of a planet that is far away, in another galaxy even. That planet is Chrachonia (Kra – Sho – Ney – Uh). To properly understand the story of the Chrachonians, one must have a brief introduction of their culture and the main characters in this story. Hence, chapter 1.
Chapter 1 (Chrachonia)
The planet of Chrachonia is far away in another galaxy. Here is a brief overview of it’s history. It has been in existence far before earth’s mere six thousand years. And, by any intelligent man’s estimation, it will be in existence far longer than earth could ever exist. The start of Crachonia differs depending on which story you hear, but the main facts are the same. Chrachonia once only consisted of four individuals. They were the sole survivors of a catastrophic event on another planet. What planet and what events are different based on who tells the story. There were two women, and two men. They crash-landed on the Chrachonia, that, at that time, was abundant in plant and animal life, but there was no intelligent life on the planet. They recognized the planet’s unprecedented ability to sustain life. They decided to make their homes there, and start the world of Chrachonia. They did this by consulting their gods, and swearing an oath to one another. They swore that neither they, nor their descendents would ever allow an authoritarian form of government. For a thousand years, they labored to build the ultimate society. After a thousand years, the gods saw the good that the Chrachonians had done, they decided to do something they had never done for any other planet. They imparted to them all knowledge and intelligence. The Chrachonians were now the most advanced civilization to ever have lived. They were still primitive, but they had the means to do almost anything. For another twenty five hundred years, the Chrachonians united and accomplished such great works in all areas. Architecture, literature, science, technology, religion, and even arts and media were all conquered to the height of their ability, which was the pinnacle of all intelligence. The things they accomplished cannot be written here for they could not be explained, neither would there be room if they could. The Chrachonian government is vastly different than any you or I have ever known. It is not absolute, as a result of the oath, but there is one man who holds a central position. He is known as the Kodem. He acts as a chairman of the High Council, which decides all major decisions. The public has a two-thirds deciding vote for who sits on the High Council, and all may attend the high Council meetings. The Chrachonian military is of a singular peculiarity. Many years ago, it was discovered the Chrachonia is the only planet in the universe that is home to the Groken. (Gra – kin) The Groken is a peculiar animal to say the least. I shall do my best to describe them in sufficient detail here. They have the skin of an elephant, but differ from the elephant in weight. The Elephant is very heavy, while these beasts are very light. It has an eagle-shaped head with a beak to match, and wings like a hawk. It is very agile, can fly very fast, and is able to carry many times it’s own weight. For these reasons, as well as it’s ability to go months without eating, make it the single most valuable resource to the Chrachonians. Their military uses them almost exclusively for locomotion, and the civilians use them as well. They are abundant on Chrachonia; however, no one knows why Chrachonia is their only home in the universe.
The royal family, at the time of our story consists of three members. The current Kodem, Haman, and his wife, Kesorates, (kes – or – ot – tees) and their daughter, Kianna. Haman is the only Kodem in Chrachonian history to be elected unanimously. As a result, he has been the most benevolent and gracious leader they had ever had. His oversight and direction in all the planet’s undertakings have led Chrachonia to the height of her cultural development. Kianna, Haman’s daughter, is very beautiful. She is the very definition of beauty. Dark hair, caring blue eyes, and soft, lightly tanned skin. All Chrachonians had lightly tanned skin, for the star that provided light to Chrachonia was able to penetrate through all substances with ease. Being of an entirely different construct than our own sun, it did not bear harmful rays, it only provided light, and kept everyone nicely tan year-round. She was a member of the royal family, therefore, by right and position she could marry any one of age on the planet that she wished. However, although she was of age, and her father needed a successor to nominate, and there were many charming and rugged lieutenants in her father’s military, she was as of yet, unfettered. She knew the man that she wanted to marry. One would assume that he was a well-paid lieutenant in her father’s military. Regardless, that is not the case. The man she intended was not even known by her family. She in fact had only seen him once, and had not even been formally introduced. All Chrachonians, after learning all knowledge and intelligence in the first 100 years of their education, then spend a subsequent 50 years gaining knowledge of Chrachonian life. In the last of high study, on the last day, All students visit the airstrips and learn of the military and the Grokens. It was on this day that Kianna saw the man she wanted to marry. She caught her first glance of him as he climbed aboard his Groken. Yes, he was a Groken pilot. He was handsome with a caring face and a winning smile. His hair was a dark, near-black color. And his eyes; Ah! Those eyes! She loved his deep set, sensitive brown eyes. He was not a quiet man, but he wasn’t rash in his words either. She stared at him for what seems like an eternity, before realizing that he was staring back at her. Slowly, regretfully, she pulled her gaze back to the master. She has never seen him since, and, although it has been nigh ten years, she still loves him.
Now that a thorough background has been given on Chrachonian life and culture, I shall spend the next paragraphs detailing the present situation. At present, the Chrachonians are at a standstill so to speak. They are still developing, still learning, making love and making war, but the majority of society are transients, that have next to nothing to do. They have their daily duties, but their time is squandered in unmentionable evils. They have reached the meridian of their society and have developed virtually everything there is to develop. They waste away as a result of reaching the top. Apparently, once one has reached the top, there is nowhere else to go. Haman has seen this, and has drawn a meeting of High Council to discuss this growing problem. It is feared, at least by Haman, that, as a result of reaching this height, in the next thousand years, they are doomed to, as a result of their wasting away, to return to little or no knowledge and intelligence. Here is where our story begins. High Council has been in session for a week while other business has been discussed. Now, Haman addresses the Council on this dangerous path that Chrachonia is on.
Posted by Addison on October 22, 2006 01:46 PM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.addisontodd.com/cgi-bin/mt-tb.cgi/86
Comments
I LOVE IT!!!! You HAVE to finish it! Can't wait to read the next chapter!
Posted by: WW at October 23, 2006 11:02 AM
Oh. That’s not what I was expecting, although I don’t really know what I was expecting—just that it wasn’t that. Well, as an aspiring writer myself I am always fascinated to read the works of other fledgling authors. I was quite excited when you announced this story.
I can’t really criticize or comment on your story until I know more about it. It wouldn’t be fair to prematurely judge it. That said, I think the primary thing I noticed was not the story itself as much as how it was presented. Presentation can make or break a story. Good presentation will enhance a good story; bad presentation will muddle a good story. It is important to get the presentation right. I realize that this is the first draft of a story that you apparently gave up on, however there is still a lot to be learned from this.
As far as presentation is concerned I though it could use some work. You lay the groundwork for Chrachonia in an extremely straightforward manner, almost like a short history text. It isn’t very literary sounding, and doesn’t fit well with the rest of the chapter. There are good ways to naturally integrate all this information into the context of the story rather than saying it all up front. You can, of course, begin the story this way, but unrelated facts such as the fact that all Chrachonians have light tans would fit better elsewhere. My preferred method for immersing a reader in a fantasy world is to do it slowly. I like to jump right into the story and as I go people will get details filling in the world and environment the characters are in. But that’s just me, and there are many ways to do it.
You’re probably not interested in what I thought of the mechanics of the story though. Like I said, it would be unfair for me to judge the story with out knowing the whole thing, but my initial thoughts on it were as follows.
It seems to me that you have created an allegory here. You speak of the Chrachonians having “gods.” You have also introduced what seems on the surface to be a utopian society. They have all intelligence and knowledge. Then you spend some time on their politics. I got the sneaking suspicion that you may be talking about America allegorically. After all, you mention a society that has attained more than any other has prior, you mention they are at a standstill and the people are living purposeless lives with nothing to do but unspeakable evils. Those were all strong indicators for me, but I could be completely wrong.
One last thing I’ll say is that the chapter as a whole is quite unorganized. Granted, you are establishing the story, but the narration is jumpy. You begin with a little history and then jump into the story that seems to have little to do with the previous statements. I was rough in that regard.
Well, I hope that doesn’t discourage you from posting more. *smiley* I am looking forward to reading it.
Oh, and, what does this have to do with head-blasting zombies? Zombies?
Posted by: Tolkienist at October 23, 2006 04:43 PM
^_^I liked it. Keep up the good work! However, one small comment: "He was not a quite man, be he wasn’t rash in his words either." Near the end of the third paragraph. I thought that you might want to fix that. I like the story!
Posted by: munchkin at October 23, 2006 08:00 PM
