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June 07, 2006
Zen Sarcasm
1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
2. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
3. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
4. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
17. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
20. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
21. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Posted by Addison on June 7, 2006 12:12 PM
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Comments
Duuuuuuude... that's funny :-)
Posted by: Harrison Beckmann at June 7, 2006 03:30 PM
I see a trend:
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Posted by: Jason Wall at June 7, 2006 04:45 PM
16. Duct tape is like The Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
17. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Amen! ^_^
Posted by: yoj at June 7, 2006 07:23 PM
6. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
These are my personal favorites--#7 gets me giggling just thinking about it =) May I borrow your shoes? JUST KIDDING!
Posted by: Joyous at June 12, 2006 11:01 AM
